Today at church (like most 5th Sundays) we had a combined Relief Society and Priesthood class. And the majority of the time it was over dating. Dating, dating, dating, it seems like that is such a big focus here at BYUI haha. But I did enjoy the lesson. Something that stood out to me were two specific things. One date those with your same standards and the second is have confidence in your dating ability.
Dating someone with your same standards seem so obvious but that doesn't mean that this is always the norm. I always try to live the gospel standards as best as I can. I go to the temple often. I do not watch or participate in inappropriate media. I do not cheat. By listing these attributes of me I seek not to brag but rather describe important characteristics that I desire in a future wife that is not prevelant in every single Latter-Day Saint woman (or man for that matter).
The second is have confidence in your dating ability. Understand who you are and what your potential is (including the promises given in the temple if we are true and faithful to our covenants). I remember being a recently returned LDS missionary and talking to my best friend Brian Thompson. Part of me was feeling worthless for not being able to find a job and not going to school and being released from such a sacred and worthwhile calling. I told him how I wanted to date some girls and I would be willing to date almost anyone (LDS). But he told something to me that I needed that I needed to hear. He said "Don't sell yourself short man, you are a good guy, you will find yourself an awesome girl". Whethe rhe knows it or not I truly believe those kind words were directed by the spirit.
I think how lucky and blessed I am to be dating someone with my same standards. Someone that is beautiful and awesome. I don't know yet if she will be the woman I marry but I do know that this experience has been a great for me. I have learned more about how to put someone else's needs before mine and how to treat someone with respect on more than just a superficial level.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
3 little words that pack such a punch
February 13th 2010 I walk up my girlfriend to the door and kiss her good night on the warm Saturday night. It had been about 5 months since we had been exclusive and about 4 since we have kissed. We do our nightly routine before I return to my car and speed home trying to get home by curfew, but this time something a little unexpected happens. I look down and she looks up and she says 3 little words. "I love you." Gotten caught off a little unguarded, but knowing the day would eventually come I reply with a "thanks". Not the reply she was hoping. She looks back at me with a sense of distraught bursts into tears lets go of me and runs into the house. I can remember that night vividly and I remember no regrets. We later talked on the phone about the situation. I told her how I felt and then listened attentively to how she was feeling. This common expression of "I love you" is no unusual phrase in high school where it is passed around like a large bag of pretzels. I explained how I wanted to get married in the temple after my mission. She then explained how she was willing to wait for me after my mission but that she didn't believe in the book of Mormon. I have no regrets of not saying "I love you" because we had no future and she wasn't the mother that I wanted for my children that would raise my posterity in the gospel.
Flash forward to tonight. Carla and I went to the "Savior of the World". We both really enjoyed it. Then in the middle of the play she sat on the edge of her seat and I started scratching her back. Before I knew it I wrote "I love you" with my finger on her back. I glance at her face waiting to see if she interpreted the message. She gave me a poker face and I couldn't tell if she understood what I wrote. Then after casually scratching her back with all five fingers of my left hand I write out "I <3 u". This time she look at me directly and smiled. After the play we walk hand in hand back to my apartment (which is a little unusual because we typically go to her place). We read an ensign article briefly at the table and then head over to the couch. Then after talking and cuddling on the couch I get the impression "tell her you love her". "Tell her I love her?" I repeated in my mind. I want to but I don't know what she will think. I shrugged it off hoping I would get a 2nd confirmation if it was really the Lord's will. After a few moments she looked at me and said "I love us". I knew that this was the confirmation that I had desired. I take a deep breath and look at her and say "Carla, I am always happy when I see you. I am going to tell you something that I have never told anyone else before. I love you." "You love me?", she replied. "Yeah I do." "Well I love you too", she replied. A sudden feeling of relief came over me. She then retold how when she has talked to her mom her mom had told her she had been love. She told me she wondered if I was going to tell her a few days earlier. Tonight it just felt right. She then told me that her parents trusted me so much. How before her parents had only felt so comfortable with only one other guy but how she said she still had reservations about him. She then told me how she and her parents say I love you in sign language to each others from a distance when they can't say it verbally.
Carla is such an amazing girl. I am excited to what our future has in hold. I feel like something big might happen when I take her to Brian and Olive's graduation but only time can tell. All I know is that I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has sent me such a great girl and who willing to give a guy like me a 2nd confirmation.
Flash forward to tonight. Carla and I went to the "Savior of the World". We both really enjoyed it. Then in the middle of the play she sat on the edge of her seat and I started scratching her back. Before I knew it I wrote "I love you" with my finger on her back. I glance at her face waiting to see if she interpreted the message. She gave me a poker face and I couldn't tell if she understood what I wrote. Then after casually scratching her back with all five fingers of my left hand I write out "I <3 u". This time she look at me directly and smiled. After the play we walk hand in hand back to my apartment (which is a little unusual because we typically go to her place). We read an ensign article briefly at the table and then head over to the couch. Then after talking and cuddling on the couch I get the impression "tell her you love her". "Tell her I love her?" I repeated in my mind. I want to but I don't know what she will think. I shrugged it off hoping I would get a 2nd confirmation if it was really the Lord's will. After a few moments she looked at me and said "I love us". I knew that this was the confirmation that I had desired. I take a deep breath and look at her and say "Carla, I am always happy when I see you. I am going to tell you something that I have never told anyone else before. I love you." "You love me?", she replied. "Yeah I do." "Well I love you too", she replied. A sudden feeling of relief came over me. She then retold how when she has talked to her mom her mom had told her she had been love. She told me she wondered if I was going to tell her a few days earlier. Tonight it just felt right. She then told me that her parents trusted me so much. How before her parents had only felt so comfortable with only one other guy but how she said she still had reservations about him. She then told me how she and her parents say I love you in sign language to each others from a distance when they can't say it verbally.
Carla is such an amazing girl. I am excited to what our future has in hold. I feel like something big might happen when I take her to Brian and Olive's graduation but only time can tell. All I know is that I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has sent me such a great girl and who willing to give a guy like me a 2nd confirmation.
Friday, March 21, 2014
An uncertain day with a perfect night :)
Today waking up I had my day felt pretty well planned out. I had a class at 9 and 2. During the break I would study and then take my Business Stats class and then after my last class go to the temple to do some baptisms with my (soon to be girlfriend) Carla. I figured after the temple I would go to the library and do some homework for a few hours and then finish the night doing some get to know you games and holding a poster while giving out free compliments in front of a local ice cream shop. The plan backfired nearly from the beginning. I went to my class as planned but then the girl who was supposed to study with me invited to me to study in a big group. I did that for an hour but found out that that was just a waste of time and I was retaining any of the information. So I kept studying by myself and before I knew it there was just 40 minutes before my accounting class and I still didn't feel completely ready to take test yet. I said a prayer in my heart and I felt like I should take the test. When I sat down I got an upset stomach because I knew I was putting myself under a time crunch. I started the test and the process to do even the easy ones began to completely leave my memory. When I attempted to use excel it started not to work. Before I knew it I was 20 minutes late to my most important class... accounting! After a few more minutes I lost all hope of going to my class and decided to just focus on the test. As I continued working I felt that timing being crunched to finish on time to go to the temple. When would this wretched test be done? I walk out of the test unsure about my abilities but hurried out without even checking my score. Then that's when the good times started rolling.
I picked up Carla from the Benson building as she was patiently waiting while enjoying a book (a woman that loves to read is so attractive to me). We then went to the temple and enjoyed our time. As we were leaving the doors and back to the campus I got the impression that it wasn't time for us to leave yet. So we walked around the temple once. Then even still the time was just not right but I wasn't sure what to do. Carla lead me gently to a bench and we began talking. Pretty soon we were talking about everything we liked about each other. It was sincere and sweet. The talking continued longer than I could have ever imagined. At one point she began to look off and was into deep thought. I asked her "what's on your mind". "I was just thinking how this is nice", she replied. "What are you thinking?" she fired back. I took a keep gulp, this had been on my mind a while but I knew I needed to speak my mind. "I was thinking I wanted to kiss you". Wow I thought I had never said that anyone before! "You have been thinking about that for a while now haven't you?" "Maybe", I replied but already knowing she knew the answer. We continued on with our pleasant conversation. After 2 hours that seemed more like 2 minutes we walked back and she started giving me a tour of some of her science classrooms.
We then eventually got to her apartment and she cooked me dinner. What more could a guy ever ask for? After the meal (which was a delicious plate of fajita quesadillas) some of her roommates left the family room (there were some other roommates in the back) and we watched frozen. After an hour or so I told I needed to leave because I needed to work early the next morning in the temple (I wake up at 4 15 am). We both understood but neither one of us wanted to part. As I was leaving we started to embrace and we just held that position that seemed like for eternity. It seemed as though time stood still. After literally about 10 minutes she looked up me and asked "So am I your girlfriend". I replied "I hope so". "Is this you asking?". "Yes." "Well I would love to be your girlfriend". I started to think how lucky am I? This girl is so awesome. What a righteous woman. Could I ask even more. After a few more moments hugging we anticipated the kiss. And the kiss came! It was sincere and beautiful. I was probably a little rusty (or a lot) but it felt so right. The way she put her fingers through my hair. What a virtuous yet emotion packed action that was! It lasted longer than I (or she probably) expected. A part of me wanted to kiss her earlier in the week (we had spent together every single day together since last Saturday) but I am so glad she did. She was totally worth the wait. What a great way to start the weekend.
Before we kissed she had asked me what I was doing over spring break. I told her that I wasn't sure and then she didn't respond. I think she wanted me to meet her family because I know her family liked what they knew of me because they looked me up on Facebook.
I walked home just feeling blessed. Not so much happy that I could check off kissing her off my list but because right now this beautiful girl was 'mine'. Mine to hold, mine to cherish, mine to call and spend time with. I know this girl has faults but I honestly can't think of any. I was reminded of a very important aspect he said "Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love". I knew that I was very infatuated with her but the title of the article "Love Takes Time" is always a good reminder.
After sitting down I went onto LDS.org and searched 'love'. Some interesting things came up but an interesting video came up by Marvin J. Ashton which was on this topic.
I picked up Carla from the Benson building as she was patiently waiting while enjoying a book (a woman that loves to read is so attractive to me). We then went to the temple and enjoyed our time. As we were leaving the doors and back to the campus I got the impression that it wasn't time for us to leave yet. So we walked around the temple once. Then even still the time was just not right but I wasn't sure what to do. Carla lead me gently to a bench and we began talking. Pretty soon we were talking about everything we liked about each other. It was sincere and sweet. The talking continued longer than I could have ever imagined. At one point she began to look off and was into deep thought. I asked her "what's on your mind". "I was just thinking how this is nice", she replied. "What are you thinking?" she fired back. I took a keep gulp, this had been on my mind a while but I knew I needed to speak my mind. "I was thinking I wanted to kiss you". Wow I thought I had never said that anyone before! "You have been thinking about that for a while now haven't you?" "Maybe", I replied but already knowing she knew the answer. We continued on with our pleasant conversation. After 2 hours that seemed more like 2 minutes we walked back and she started giving me a tour of some of her science classrooms.
We then eventually got to her apartment and she cooked me dinner. What more could a guy ever ask for? After the meal (which was a delicious plate of fajita quesadillas) some of her roommates left the family room (there were some other roommates in the back) and we watched frozen. After an hour or so I told I needed to leave because I needed to work early the next morning in the temple (I wake up at 4 15 am). We both understood but neither one of us wanted to part. As I was leaving we started to embrace and we just held that position that seemed like for eternity. It seemed as though time stood still. After literally about 10 minutes she looked up me and asked "So am I your girlfriend". I replied "I hope so". "Is this you asking?". "Yes." "Well I would love to be your girlfriend". I started to think how lucky am I? This girl is so awesome. What a righteous woman. Could I ask even more. After a few more moments hugging we anticipated the kiss. And the kiss came! It was sincere and beautiful. I was probably a little rusty (or a lot) but it felt so right. The way she put her fingers through my hair. What a virtuous yet emotion packed action that was! It lasted longer than I (or she probably) expected. A part of me wanted to kiss her earlier in the week (we had spent together every single day together since last Saturday) but I am so glad she did. She was totally worth the wait. What a great way to start the weekend.
Before we kissed she had asked me what I was doing over spring break. I told her that I wasn't sure and then she didn't respond. I think she wanted me to meet her family because I know her family liked what they knew of me because they looked me up on Facebook.
I walked home just feeling blessed. Not so much happy that I could check off kissing her off my list but because right now this beautiful girl was 'mine'. Mine to hold, mine to cherish, mine to call and spend time with. I know this girl has faults but I honestly can't think of any. I was reminded of a very important aspect he said "Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love". I knew that I was very infatuated with her but the title of the article "Love Takes Time" is always a good reminder.
After sitting down I went onto LDS.org and searched 'love'. Some interesting things came up but an interesting video came up by Marvin J. Ashton which was on this topic.
Monday, March 17, 2014
How to constructively criticize correctly
This week was a week of where I noticed more than usual that I received correction in different aspects of my life. Whether it was my dance moves, my refereeing or some other area there were things I learned in every instance.
This past Thursday I went to a social dance for my beginning dance class. I enjoyed myself and got to meet lots of new people while practicing a hobby that I have picked up two weeks ago. I asked another girl if she would like to dance waltz with me and she gladly accept the invitation. After exchanging names and other basic information. She politely reminded me of the importance of keeping my arm that was on her back in the correct position (having the elbow up). I thanked her for the suggestion and attempted to make the necessary correction. 20 seconds later she told me again, and then again 1 minute later. In reality I was trying my best but this consistent reminder was got old rather quickly. Although I understood her intention was good I soon made up my mind that I would not ask this girl for another dance. Why you might ask? Although gentle reminder in private is acceptable something my mission president President Pingree taught me is to do your best discerning ability and lack of motivation. There are some people in a circumstance that need just a little encouragement and this will allow them to reach new heights rather quickly. However there are other situations where the person is honestly doing their best in the given situation and it is not such a "quick fix". Situations like these may be appropriate to give insights and correction but too many can seem rather daunting and relentless rather than be uplifting.
I know I have not been always the best at giving at giving loving correction but I know as I think of how I would feel in a given situation I can better analyze when to say something and when to just enjoy the song and keep dancing :)
This past Thursday I went to a social dance for my beginning dance class. I enjoyed myself and got to meet lots of new people while practicing a hobby that I have picked up two weeks ago. I asked another girl if she would like to dance waltz with me and she gladly accept the invitation. After exchanging names and other basic information. She politely reminded me of the importance of keeping my arm that was on her back in the correct position (having the elbow up). I thanked her for the suggestion and attempted to make the necessary correction. 20 seconds later she told me again, and then again 1 minute later. In reality I was trying my best but this consistent reminder was got old rather quickly. Although I understood her intention was good I soon made up my mind that I would not ask this girl for another dance. Why you might ask? Although gentle reminder in private is acceptable something my mission president President Pingree taught me is to do your best discerning ability and lack of motivation. There are some people in a circumstance that need just a little encouragement and this will allow them to reach new heights rather quickly. However there are other situations where the person is honestly doing their best in the given situation and it is not such a "quick fix". Situations like these may be appropriate to give insights and correction but too many can seem rather daunting and relentless rather than be uplifting.
I know I have not been always the best at giving at giving loving correction but I know as I think of how I would feel in a given situation I can better analyze when to say something and when to just enjoy the song and keep dancing :)
Sunday, March 9, 2014
A relationship built on Christ
Last Sunday I got better acquainted with a girl from my ward named Carla. She is a great girl that lived in South Africa when she was young and the moved to Louisiana. I got her number and then asked if she wanted to go to the CES devotional together later that day which she said yes too. We had a good time and then later that night we went to a game night. That following Tuesday she sent me a text and said "Hi. I hope you have a good day". The message was short and sweet but it these small demonstrations of Christ-like attributes that really make such a big difference to me.
This week I have better realized that the world is so focused on the exterior characteristics when courting and dating but they rarely focus on the things that are most important such as: Will she be a good mother for my children, does she love the Gospel and attend all of her church meetings, etc. These are things I have learned in my "dating experience" I have begun to truly value.
Beauty can attract the eye but it is mutual love and respect that will sustain a relationship for eternity.
This week I have better realized that the world is so focused on the exterior characteristics when courting and dating but they rarely focus on the things that are most important such as: Will she be a good mother for my children, does she love the Gospel and attend all of her church meetings, etc. These are things I have learned in my "dating experience" I have begun to truly value.
Beauty can attract the eye but it is mutual love and respect that will sustain a relationship for eternity.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Lessons learned on the missions
This week there were two lessons that were reinforced that I learned. The first hearing the words of the Lord or following the promptings and working hard to change your circumstances so you can be an effective instrument.
This past Thursday night I decided to check out some movies. As I gave the movies to the library I got the prompting to ask the librarian out. I wasn't really attracted to her so I put off the thought. I walked out in the cold and just sat down contemplating on what just happened. I knew what I had done and knew that I should ask her out but I just wasn't attracted to her in the slightest and that would be such a rash move. I felt like I had notion to lose. If she said no, it wouldn't be that big of a deal because I wasn't interested and if she said yes then I got a date. So I worked up the courage to go back in the library and mustered out the sentence "Hey, my name is Eric, do you want to go out tomorrow?" "Well, uh, thanks but I have a boyfriend." I believed her but I thought about why I would get that prompting if she was already dating her. But after I asked her out I couldn't help smiling. I had felt so much joy for being obedient. I have never felt so happy being rejected before it was a very weird feeling. I realized after that God might not have sent me that prompting so I could get a date but rather to feel the spirit.
Then on Saturday I got a ride home from a temple worker from Venezuela after we finished our shift. He told me about he has lived in the US for about 9 months and his efforts in learning English he spoke about how he is going to an English ward, serving in the temple in English and just finished reading the entire Book of Mormon in English. What a great example to me who is striving to receive the Gift of Tongues. I know if I want to keep up my Spanish it will take effort but it can be done!
These are just a few things that I remembered I learned when I serving the Lord in the great state of Texas!
This past Thursday night I decided to check out some movies. As I gave the movies to the library I got the prompting to ask the librarian out. I wasn't really attracted to her so I put off the thought. I walked out in the cold and just sat down contemplating on what just happened. I knew what I had done and knew that I should ask her out but I just wasn't attracted to her in the slightest and that would be such a rash move. I felt like I had notion to lose. If she said no, it wouldn't be that big of a deal because I wasn't interested and if she said yes then I got a date. So I worked up the courage to go back in the library and mustered out the sentence "Hey, my name is Eric, do you want to go out tomorrow?" "Well, uh, thanks but I have a boyfriend." I believed her but I thought about why I would get that prompting if she was already dating her. But after I asked her out I couldn't help smiling. I had felt so much joy for being obedient. I have never felt so happy being rejected before it was a very weird feeling. I realized after that God might not have sent me that prompting so I could get a date but rather to feel the spirit.
Then on Saturday I got a ride home from a temple worker from Venezuela after we finished our shift. He told me about he has lived in the US for about 9 months and his efforts in learning English he spoke about how he is going to an English ward, serving in the temple in English and just finished reading the entire Book of Mormon in English. What a great example to me who is striving to receive the Gift of Tongues. I know if I want to keep up my Spanish it will take effort but it can be done!
These are just a few things that I remembered I learned when I serving the Lord in the great state of Texas!
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